The Venetia Fairgrounds

In case you haven’t heard, when we launched our new online merch store we mailed out a bunch of free shit including a personal Thank You letter with the first 25 orders. Sure, we’re pretty nice dudes but we are by no means pussies. To prove that point, the 26th order recieved no free shit as well as a personalized Fuck You letter which we spit and bled all over.  

Here’s what it said:

Dear Jazmin “The 26th Buyer” Scott,

Fuck you.

We made it very clear that we wanted people to buy things quickly. That’s why we offered to give free stuff to the first 25 people who bought things. This is an example of an “incentive”. You fucked this up. Hard. You were the 26th person. It must be truly awful to be you. Just sitting over there not ordering things in a timely fashion and missing the whole fuckin’ boat. You were close, we’ll admit that but quite frankly, in this case, your hesitation resulted (as it often does) in total failure.

You will not be receiving any free shit. Because we’re mad at you now. We’ll get over it, in time, but at this point we’re very, very mad. And honestly, a little disappointed. We expected better from you. We know you. I want you to know and understand something: literally nobody else is receiving this letter. We wrote it specifically to tell you about how badly you fucked this up. Don’t believe me? Here are some facts about you, specifically:

1. You’re from Philadelphia.
2. You’re familiar with the game Pokemon and claim on your Facebook page to be a gym leader in Cerulean City.
3. You are a liar.
4. You don’t care about politics or (clearly) about getting free stuff for ordering things early.
5. You already own a “Boneyard” Tank Top and now you also own a “Fucking Miserable” Shirt.

We know all of these things about you and more because we saw what you did and thought to ourselves “what kind of person would wait until the absolute worst possible time to place an order?” And now we know. Someone like you. A human being so terribly prone to procrastination that they will never accomplish anything at all. They will see neither success nor a proud smile from a friend or relative for the entirety of their wasted time on this planet.

We warned you about this letter… We told you it would come if you were the 26th buyer. And here it fuckin’ is. Signed. Sealed. Delivered. You’re dead to me. We will now proceed to spit and bleed all over this.

Fuck you,

                The Venetia fair

1 year ago

1. ifallthreetimesashard likes this
2. princessmonochokey reblogged this from jackolanterns-injuly
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5. whisperszhugeliang reblogged this from dragonlady364
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8. her-middle-name-was-boom reblogged this from thevenetiafair
9. shewascalledyellow reblogged this from thevenetiafair
10. this-is-melisa reblogged this from thevenetiafair and added:

    i knew there was some reason i liked them..

11. noiseless-ch0rus reblogged this from qwertyhgfd
12. qwertyhgfd reblogged this from cloudsmovelikeawraith and added:

    Aww remember when a bunch of non-fans got all butthurt over this on Tumblr because they thought it was serious? (✿^◡^)

13. unibro likes this
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21. this-is-melisa likes this
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23. circasully reblogged this from thevenetiafair
24. circasully likes this
25. theheartknowsall likes this
26. yohohoandabottleofoj reblogged this from thevenetiafair and added:

    Ahahaha I love them

27. iseeyoureadysetgo likes this
28. waldosmiles reblogged this from qwertyhgfd
29. andreaalexis likes this
30. likeworriedfire likes this
31. accidentaleffusiveness reblogged this from thevenetiafair
32. wesmeadows likes this
33. wesmeadows reblogged this from thevenetiafair and added:

    god i love these guys

34. tea-blooded reblogged this from thevenetiafair and added:

    My letter from The Venetia Fair. I legitimately love this thing

35. jkillam reblogged this from thevenetiafair and added:

    I fucking love them.

36. savecalvinfoundation reblogged this from powerkatie and added:

    This is amazing; i wish i could of gotten a letter like this; I remember they sent me a huge pull down blind with the...

37. aroseforreagan likes this
38. riverpeople likes this
39. powerkatie reblogged this from shadowkai45 and added:

    I should have ordered something. I want a letter. Hahah.

40. brilalala reblogged this from shadowkai45 and added:

    Right! lol. I wish I’d gotten it. I would have framed it haha

41. bring-more-knives likes this
42. catastrophicsammy reblogged this from thevenetiafair and added:

    hahaha this is why I love them.

43. catastrophicsammy likes this
44. difference-in-the-shades likes this
45. letlive likes this
46. pauloctanephotography likes this
47. swaggin-on-them reblogged this from thevenetiafair
48. nerdytrolleys reblogged this from ournamesinunison
49. thisisanangstblog reblogged this from ournamesinunison
50. aworldofmagic reblogged this from kharabunji and added:

    this is beautiful

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